Sometimes, you can think you are good at something - or at least that you don't suck at it. Maybe, most of the time it's been such a non-issue that when it hits you in the face, you realize "oh crap, I have a problem."
I realized yesterday that I am not good at asking for help.
I do not ask for help often. I've learned that asking is typically pointless. I think that everyone, at some point, needs help with something. There are some things that are easy for me to ask for help with - a job related matter (can you help me with X so I can finish Y? I don't understand A, can you explain it to me?) or help putting heavy packages in my car. There are some other things, but I won't get into them.
Yesterday (well, technically now, the day before yesterday), I found myself in a situation where I really need help. I mean *really*. And I just did not know what to do. I still don't. While walking across town, thinking, it didn't help that I ran into someone I went on a few dates with, who was completely passive and basically an ass. Like - oh great, here you are, right in my path. Does that mean something? I always think things mean something. But that's another issue.
At any point, during the hours and hours I thought I was going to lose my mind, you would think that I would have picked up the phone and called one of the 100+ people in my phone. But I didn't. My thought was "they wouldn't help anyway, so what's the point of spreading the gloom?" when really, had I picked up the phone, the first person I called could have helped me - how would I know?
Experience has taught me that it is a waste to ask. I don't ask for help often, because I don't usually need it. So when I do ask, it's needed. It's like the friend who never cries, but suddenly calls you up bawling - you know it's serious. Or, to interject some positivity into this post - it's like the person who has never told someone they are dating that they love them because they don't use the word lightly. But then they say it to you - and you realize how much it really must mean. End positivity.
Over the past year, I tried to get better at asking for help when I needed it. But virtually every time was met with "sorry" or "I can't" or "If you absolutely can't get anyone else..." Gee thanks. So eventually I went back to not asking, even when it was really needed. But that's bad - because you never know what will happen. You could end up very surprised.
But yesterday, in my jam, I was so fixed on the fact that asking was pointless, that I didn't contact anyone. I figured it would be less painful to suffer through it. Thirty-six hours later, and I still have no picked up the phone.
It's so strange. I know I am not the only person who has trouble asking for help. But why do we have this problem? There is no shame in asking for help. It's just like what "they" say about asking someone out - "all they can do is say no." And initially you think "um, exactly, the no is what I am afraid of." But if you step away from the situation and think about it, getting a no isn't necessarily as horrifying and traumatic as we initially make it out to be.
So, with plenty of time today to wallow in my problem I thought of the most disconnected (yet just a tiny bit connected) that I could call. Is that odd? I thought my chances would be better, but I still ended up not calling. There is still that block to asking for help. Some people are programmed to think that asking for help makes them seem weak. I don't have that programming/mentality and I love to help others - so I find the fact that I struggle with asking for help very interesting.
So, the first realization - that I am not good at asking for help - came to me. I am hoping that through processing all of this, I come up with the second part - WHY GOSH DARN IT?!? (I got all my swear words out earlier - I have none left)
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